iHave No Fortune
by xXACCEBXx
Summary: Is it possible to get one fortune cookie that actually makes sense? Sam goes on a search for that one fortune that will change her life, but will she be shocked to see what it says? Based on Sam's Blog. Seddie.


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**Okay, I sat here for like three hours trying to find a storyline to write about, and then it was handed to me from the heavens. Okay, it was handed to me by Dan Schneider. Anybody else have a little chuckle at Sam's latest blog on the iCarly website? DanWarp is such a tease. Anyway, you should probably check that out before you read this, but since I've read it, I'm just going to move along to the story. Enjoy :D**

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**iHave No Fortune**

"**Help me! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie warehouse.**"

I groaned as I crumpled the tiny piece of paper and shoved it in my pocket, adding it to the collection that was forming down there. As of morning takeout at eleven o'clock this morning, I was on a mission. Would it be possible to get a fortune that actually made sense?

I have to say, the newest one was kind of amusing, especially compared to the last two. I unfolded them to make sure I hadn't forgotten how terrible they were.

"**An** **unexpected event will soon bring you poverty and unhappiness**."

Too late for that. One B on Melanie's report card and her scholarship went bye-bye. Now I had to take cuts on my goodies so my parents could pay for that overpriced boarding school of hers. Then again, it was better than my parents just bringing her home. That would have truly brought 'unhappiness' and a hell of a lot more.

"**You should NOT have eaten the chicken.**"

Thankfully, I had stolen this fortune from my mother, who I'd left puking her guts up at home. Actually, she'd thrown me out. Something about tainted air.

The fortune I'd just read came from a takeout place I passed that just happened to have a bin of them on the counter. I'd been tempted to take more than one, but I had false hope that this would be the key to happiness.

But I had to find one fortune that made sense. I had to find one fortune that could last me the rest of my life.

I texted Carly and told her to meet me at Mr. Lim's Palace, one of my favorite Chinese restaurants. She texted me back that she was on her way, and I walked the few blocks there. I sat in my usual corner booth as I waited for Carly.

I told Mr. Lim I was waiting for someone when he came to take my order, though I was already hungry. I'd eaten lunch of course, but even I could only stomach so much when the sound of upchuck was echoing from the bathroom.

When the bell over the door rang, I looked up, expecting to see my best friend burst in the door, apologizing for her tardiness. But instead, my eyes met the confused brown eyes of Fredward Benson.

I groaned as he came toward my table, knowing that Carly had told him to meet us here.

"So, where's Carly? I thought she'd be here by now. She said she'd meet us here," he prattled off as he slid into the booth across from me.

"I don't know where she is. Then again, I didn't know this was an open invitation," I said, managing to unintentionally grumble at the end.

He looked, actually, apologetic as he said, "I'm sorry. Carly just made it sound as if…"

"No, Fredbert, it's fine. Now I don't have to sit here alone while she tries to drag Spencer away from his latest project. I'm assuming she told Spencer to come?"

He nodded and I shook my head. That was the last time I sent a nonspecific text to Carly Shay.

This time, when the bell rang, it was Carly, hurriedly apologizing for taking so long, and trying to let us know it was all Spencer's fault without actually blaming him. Sometimes she was way too nice. Like when she invited the dork to places where he wasn't wanted.

_Ooh, harsh!_ I thought to myself, knowing that even the dweeb didn't deserve a comment like that. It was actually kind of nice to have him around when I thought about it. Then there was less pressure for Carly and I to talk about boys and other extremely personal stuff that usually gets me in trouble.

Carly slid in next to me while Spencer slid in across from her, and as soon as their butts hit the seat, Mrs. Lim was on us with menus and water. People who complain about service should go to Chinese restaurants more often.

We all ordered, and as we waited for our soup, Spencer talked about his latest sculpture. The company who made Pak-Rat wanted him to design a giant rat sculpture for their corporate offices. He was making it out of mousetraps, which I thought was horribly creative.

After the soup came, we all found our mouths too occupied to say much, between egg rolls and chop suey. My stomach was leaping with happiness at being full for the first time all day, and I finished most of the ungodly portions that had come with my meal.

When Mr. Lim dropped off four fortune cookies, my arm leapt out to grab the closest one. My company all looked shocked as I tore open the package hastily, popping the cookie with only a twitch of my finger.

"**Secrets await you at the city dump.**"

"Spencer, I think this one is yours," I said, tossing it at him. He picked it up and read it and his face lit up. He handed it to Carly and she shook her head.

"Oh come on!" Spencer whined, pulling enough money to cover their food out of his wallet and handing it to Freddie.

Carly continued to shake her head, before she finally gave in, "Okay, fine. I guess I'll see you guys later."

As they got up, I realized I didn't want to go home yet. I looked up expectantly at Freddie, holding on to him as a lifeline. He looked at me, trying to understand the look I was giving him, before he seemed to understand.

"What did the fortune say?" he asked. I smiled and sort of chuckled as I repeated it. "I hope it was true. Spencer looked so excited."

"You try one," I asked hesitantly, afraid to take from the three in front of me. I wanted with all my heart for this one to mean something.

He looked up at me and shook his head, "Nah, I don't believe in that stuff."

"Oh come on Fredward, it's just for fun," I said, picking one up and tossing it closer to him.

I must have looked like an overexcited puppy because he relented, "Fine, you open one for me."

I picked up the one closest to him and opened it, reading aloud, "**Your hard work will never pay off.** You know what, let's just say that one's Carly's."

He laughed and nodded as I reached for another, hesitating for a second before choosing my weapon, promising myself that THIS one was Freddie's, no matter what it said.

I read the fortune before hesitantly repeating it aloud, "**I know what you did last Thursday. NOT COOL!**"

I looked up to see him blushing adding, "Don't believe in fortunes huh? Fredward, what were you doing last Thursday?"

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, and said quietly, "Don't worry about it."

"Oh, come on Dishrag. It's too late for that. What were you doing last Thursday?"

Then I used one of my expert moves on him. I leaned across the table and put my hand on top of his, curling two of my fingers around his wrist. To anyone watching us, it looked like we were holding hands, but he knew the truth as he gulped. I had his pressure point.

"It's…nothing really," he started nervously, his cheeks getting redder with every word. "I just realized I had feelings for someone…is all."

"Freddie, you've been in love with Carly for forever. What does that have to do with last Thursday?" I said, trying my best not to press his pressure point as an unidentifiable pang filled my heart.

He shocked me by shaking his head, "Not anymore. I can't explain it. Last Thursday I just woke up and liked…someone else."

"Who?" I asked, trying not to sound…expectant.

He looked down at my hand before catching my eyes and stuttering, "You st-still haven't opened yours."

"Huh?" I asked before he motioned with his eyes toward the sole remaining fortune cookie.

I removed my hand from his and stared nervously at the cookie. This was the one. I could just tell. This cookie held my destiny.

I reached for the cookie and ripped open the plastic packaging, holding the cookie expectantly. I closed my eyes as I cracked it open, pulling out the fortune. When I opened my eyes, I couldn't force myself to read it, so I looked up at Freddie, who looked almost as expectant as I felt.

"Well?" he asked. "Do you want me to read it for you?"

I shook me head and nervously looked down at the piece of paper, forcing my eyes to focus.

"**You will fall in love with a total nerd.**"

I couldn't help but smile. Because I knew this one was right. This one was perfect. I hesitantly looked up at Freddie, who was smiling, most likely because I was.

And I couldn't help it. I started to laugh, so hard I was crying. He started to shush me, and I covered my mouth to quiet myself. His eyebrows were knitted together as he laughed lightly at my show of amusement. I shook my head and hesitantly handed to him.

I watched his face as he read it, and he started laughing too. He shook his head and I added, "Well, you are."

He stopped laughing and stared at me, and as I realized what I'd said, my laughter was strangled in my throat. Oh god, what have I done?

I stared at the Chinese calendar placement in front of me, for the first time unable to laugh at the use of 'cock' between 'monkey' and 'dog'.

I heard Freddie say "Check please" quietly as I tried to gather my thoughts. I went for my wallet, but he shook his head. I usually let my friends cover my tab, but this was different. But I had the feeling he wasn't going to let me pay, no matter how hard I fought him. He left the money on the table and stood up.

I waited for him to leave, but he simply moved to the end of the booth and held his hand out, "I think we need to talk."

I let him help me out of the booth, and I tried to ignore the fact he continued to hold my hand as we left the restaurant. When he finally dropped it, it was only to move from 'hand-in-hand' to 'intertwined'. I told myself I should remove my hand, but the message got lost somewhere between my brain and my arm.

We walked almost three blocks, toward my house I noticed, before he started, "Maybe we should talk about last Thursday."

"I have a feeling I know who you were talking about," I said quietly. I smiled and squeezed his hand, adding, "Just a hunch"

"Yeah, I don't know how it happened. It must have been repressed feelings from that kiss, or something. I just, couldn't think about Carly like that anymore. And instead, I was thinking about…you."

We looked at each other and smiled. He added, "Did you mean what you said about your fortune?"

"I'm letting you hold my hand right?" I said a little too harshly, before adding quietly, "I think I'm on my way there."

"The only thing I'm trying to get is the end of mine," he said. "'NOT COOL!' What does that mean?"

"I think I might know," I said, searching the street for a second before realizing where we were was perfect for what I needed to show him.

I pulled Freddie toward the record store on the corner, glad that there were still ten minutes until closing and I ran down one of the aisles, grabbing a CD on the way to the listening station. I picked the track, and put a headphone to my ear, pulling him to the other one by the shoulder. He shook his head as he held it to his ear.

"Is this George Strait?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, how did you know that?" I said. He'd never seemed like a country person to me.

"My mom loves him. But I know this song," he said, before, to my astonishment, he started belting out the words.

"_It ain't cool to be crazy about you,  
It ain't suave or debonair  
To let you know I care, like I do.  
It ain't smart to be so reckless with my heart.  
I should have known right from the start  
I'd end up like a fool…_"

"Shh!" I tried to say through laughter, finally covering his mouth with my hand. I could feel him smiling under it before licking it, and I moved it, wiping my palm on his shirt. But I caught his eyes and my hand refused to move from his chest.

There was a cough behind us, and we looked to see the guy at the counter pointing at the clock. We quickly apologized before going out the way we came.

We went barely more than a block before Freddie stopped mid-step. I turned to see why, and found him staring at me.

"Hey Sam, can I try something?" he said quietly, his hand moving from my hand to my wrist as he took my other wrist in his other hand. I could tell he was staring hungrily at my lips, and I smiled.

"Is this another one of your geeky experiments?" I said teasingly.

He nodded, his lips curving into a smirk, "Something like that."

He pushed me toward the brick wall of an apartment building, pressing my back to the wall as he pulled my arms over my head, leaning forward before pressing his lips into mine. It was better than any kiss I'd ever had. Okay, better than the ONE kiss I'd had with…him. As we got into it, his grip loosened on my wrists and his, I will only say this once, _magic fingers_, trailed down my arms and to my waist, pressing me farther into the wall. I took this opportunity to wrap my arms around his neck to press him farther into, well, me.

We wouldn't have broken away had we not been distracted by a passing fire engine. But once we did stop, we realized just how out of breath we were and decided that we should probably keep walking. I could feel my heart cuddling up to my spleen as we got closer and closer to my house. I went from being disappointed he showed up to dinner to afraid to leave him now. I had to laugh at the thought.

Most people would find it strange that I randomly broke into laughter, but Freddie just looked at me and shook his head. This was nice, not having to explain myself. I could just be myself with him.

We finally reached the pathway up to my door, and he walked me to the doorstep. Oddly enough, we just stood there, staring at each other, until he remembered something. I watched as he pulled a fortune cookie out of his pocket.

"It came with the bill," he said, handing it to me. "Would you like to do the honor?"

I couldn't move my eyes from his as I opened it, only looking down for a second to read it.

"**Sorry.:( You have no fortune.**"

I crumpled it up and threw it over my shoulder, "Eh, that one lied. The last two were pretty awesome though."

I smiled as he leaned toward me, "Fortunes never lie. I guess I'll just have to share mine with you."

I smirked, "Oh, and I'm assuming that prescription is to be taken orally?"

"Cookie's orders," he said, before covering my lips with his.

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**Haha, thank you Dan Schnieder for feeding the beast that is Seddie. I hope you enjoyed this one, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the flood of Seddie oneshots I've been writing lately. What can I say, those two are inspiration enough. Please review. And if you have any good fortune cookie stories, I'd love to hear those too.**


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